Friday, November 30, 2001

Through a statement issued from the Whitehouse, Dick Cheney expressed his sadness at the passing of Beatle guitarist, George Harrison. The Vice President stated that even though he was unfamiliar with the Beatle's music, he was certain it was a great loss to the arts. He also mentioned that it was "better him than me." Dick Cheney is alive.
posted by T M at 5:15 PM  

Friday, October 12, 2001

"Where is Dick Cheney?" This seems to be the question on everyone's mind lately. IsDickCheneyDeadYet.com staffers are here to reassure the American public that Cheney is, in fact, alive and well. He is, as George W. Bush stated in last night's speech, "in a secure, undisclosed location". Investigative jounalists at IsDickCheneyDeadYet.com have learned through high level White House sources that this secure location is actually a fortified area that was created by Bush the Senior during the height of the Persian Gulf War. Our anonymous White House sources have indicated that Dick Cheney will stay in this secure location for as long as deemed necessary. Dick Cheney is, as many have already surmised, hiding deep within the secure recesses and bowels of Colin Powell's big fat black ass.
posted by K A at 10:23 AM

Thursday, October 4, 2001

Dick Cheney is not dead yet.
posted by K A at 3:33 PM

Sunday, September 30, 2001

I am getting a little bit tired of seeing women with cankles. For those of you that don't know what cankles are: this is when someone is so incredibly fat that their calves come and hang down over their ankles thereby creating an altogether different anatomical appendage: the cankle.

What is even worse is those women (or men) that have brankles. Please don't make me tell you what that is. Use your own imagination.

And, ummmm, yeah, Dick Cheney is not dead yet.
posted by K A at 12:52 PM

Thursday, September 20, 2001

Okay: Is it just me...or do any other guys out there get a perverse pleasure out of walking onto an elevator and saying to an attractive woman, "Going Down?"

Probably just me. Oh, and in case you were wondering...Dick Cheney is not dead yet.
posted by K A at 10:32 AM

Monday, September 17, 2001

It is clear that during this disturbing and troubling time many Americans, including myself, are or have been genuinely concerned about the Vice President's health. In some cases, rumors and conspiracy theories have been reported regarding the VP and his health. I hope to quickly clear up any rumors or speculation regarding Mr. Cheney. Toward that end (and all joking aside), let me say that the facts appear to be that Dick Cheney was at the White House last Tuesday, September 11, and was alerted to the fact that American Flight 11 crashed into north tower of World Trade Center shortly after 8:48 AM EST. Mr. Cheney, like many Americans, then turned on the television news in time to see the second plane hit the south tower of the World Trade Center.

Shortly therefater, Secret Service agents were alerted that a plane was circling Washington and apparently had flown over the US Capitol and was headed for the White House. As American Flight 77 was threatening the White House, Secret Service agents reportedly told the Vice President, "We have to go now." The Vice President states that he was whisked away to a bunker underneath the White House and that the Secret Service agents practically physically carried him there and that his "feet barely touched the ground". American Flight 77 later crashed into the Pentagon at 9:46 AM.

Cheney has stated that after the immediate threat lifted, he left the emergency bunker underneath the White House and began working out of "the Presidential Emergency Operations Center." This EOC is apparently in the White House (and not the same as the reputed Mt. Weather facility located in the Shenandoah Valley) because it was also reported that Cheney ignored the advice of the Secret Service and chose to stay at the White House rather than evacuate.

On Thursday of last week, Vice President Cheney was moved to Camp David as a standard security precaution following last Tuesday's attack.

The opinion of ICDY.COM staffers is that Dick Cheney may be keeping a low profile in order not to divert attention away from President Bush.

Dick Cheney is alive and well.
posted by K A at 5:46 PM

Thursday, September 6, 2001

Not sure yet.
posted by K A at 10:32 AM  

Thursday, August 30, 2001

Not dead yet.
posted by K A at 5:12 PM

Monday, August 13, 2001

Not dead yet.
posted by K A at 9:17 AM

Friday, July 27, 2001

Dick Cheney had a routine checkup on his pacemaker earlier today. Doctors grew concerned when they discovered that the pacemaker was not attached to anything and that, in fact, Dick Cheney did not even actually have a heart. The concern of the Doctors waned when they realized that that was perfectly normal for a Republican. Still not dead.
posted by K A at 9:17 AM

Wednesday, July 25, 2001

Some nucca snuck up and tried to pull a 2-2-6 on Mr. Cheney, AKA Whitey Whitebread. Cheney's heart skipped a beat, America took a deep breath. As secret service agents tackled the assailant, the suspect was heard chanting, "Black Power, Black Power. Your Momma don't take no shower....and she stanks!"
Cheney survives again.
posted by K A at 3:00 PM

Monday, July 16, 2001

Not dead yet.
posted by K A at 10:36 AM

Friday, July 13, 2001

He nearly keeled over earlier today when informed that there was a gay porn star with the same name. Nearly.
posted by K A at 9:21 AM

Friday, July 06, 2001

He's been mostly dead all day. But, not quite dead yet.
posted by K A at 12:03 PM

Monday, July 02, 2001

Little pace maker scare, but alive nonetheless.
posted by K A at 7:58 PM

Thursday, June 28, 2001

Still not dead.
posted by K A at 6:56 PM

Friday, June 22, 2001

Nope, Not dead yet.
posted by K A at 6:23 AM

Thursday, June 21, 2001

Not dead.
posted by K A at 7:14 PM

Wednesday, May 09, 2001

Still alive.
posted by K A at 8:56 PM

Thursday, April 19, 2001

Alive, by most human standards.
posted by K A at 11:25 PM

Tuesday, April 03, 2001

Ditto.
posted by K A at 2:34 PM

Thursday, March 22, 2001

Alive.
posted by K A at 7:49 PM

Thursday, March 08, 2001

Underwent "heart catheterization". Still very much not dead yet.
posted by K A at 3:23 PM

Wednesday, February 28, 2001

Alive and well.
posted by K A at 8:29 AM

Thursday, February 15, 2001

Still kicking.
posted by K A at 4:59 PM

Sunday, February 4, 2001

Still ticking.
posted by K A at 2:27 AM

Saturday, January 27, 2001

No, Not dead.
posted by K A at 4:10 PM

Friday, January 26, 2001

Not dead.
posted by K A at 3:19 PM

Thursday, January 25, 2001

Not dead yet.
posted by K A at 4:54 PM

Saturday, January 20, 2001

The world sits on the edge of its collective seat and anxiously waits and watches: George W. Bush is now only a heartbeat away from the presidency. 

You say you're scared? Well, we're all scared. 

"Vice" President Dick Cheney could go at any moment. He is a fragile, fragile man. In fact, Dick Cheney has already had well over 83 heart attacks.

IsDickCheneyDeadYet.com has more than three dedicated staffers who surreptitiously check the Veep's vitals every five minutes, round the clock, 24 hours a day. Just so you can rest a little easier. You thought Dick Cheney has eye problems? Ha! That is what the world is supposed to think...Those glasses are in fact a special James Bond-esque sphygmomanometer created by ingenious IsDickCheneyDeadYet.com staffers. 

Bookmark this site now, check back often, and remember this site?s motto:

Be the first to know, when Cheney goes. 
posted by K A at 2:05 PM